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Basil: that's Bazzle, not Baysil
27 December 2011 @ 01:49 am
1. What did you do in 2011 that you'd never done before?
Shopped for a new car, ran 14 miles, taken a post-collegiate course, had my wallet stolen, substitute taught, held a job for a full calendar year.

2. Did you keep your New Year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
Somewhat... I said I would run more, which I did, though not consistently, and I did sort of get a plan for the future. Did NOT square my finances at all, did nothing about social life.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Marissa!

4. Did anyone close to you die?
My grandfather, my second cousin's father...I guess my Suburu?

5. What countries did you visit?
I only left the Rhode Island-Connecticut Metroplex twice. All year. What the EFF?

6. What would you like to have in 2012 that you lacked in 2011?
A girlfriend, a career, a meaningful face-to-face friendship.

7. What dates from 2011 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
I can't even think of any...huge year on the macro news side, pretty small year on the micro.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Completing a paralegal course.

9. What was your biggest failure?
That foray into library science.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Nope.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
An iPhone.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Courtney, Mom.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
My own...no one else comes to mind?

14. Where did most of your money go?
Rent, car insurance, cell phone, etc. to my mother.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Paralegal course, the new Tom Waits album, The Muppets, Archer, Block Island with Courtney, the comically weak Republican field.

16. What songs will always remind you of 2011?
"Bad As Me"; "The Suburbs"; "The Age of Adz", specifically "Impossible Soul".

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. happier or sadder? About as sad
ii. thinner or fatter? A tad thinner, I'm guessing.
iii. richer or poorer? Probably poorer, but with more of an idea as how to not be poor?

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Meeting people, keeping in touch with people, making money, running, figuring out how to be a paralegal.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Fretting, obsessively reading political blogs

20. How will you be spending Christmas?
Had a nice time with family.

21. How will you be spending New Year's Eve?
I don't know, though I'm pretty sure I'll just be hanging out at home.

22. Did you fall in love in 2011?
No Almost forgot about HERMAN CAIN there!

23. How many one-night stands?
HahahhahahahahhahahahHHAHHFHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA

24. What was your favorite TV program?
I rarely miss Stewart/Colbert, but I'm pretty sure the two most consistently incredible shows on television are "Parks and Recreation" and "Archer". Admittedly I'm not watching "Breaking Bad", but "Archer" is just staggeringly funny.

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
Again, I don't have the energy to hate.

26. What was the best book you read?
"Catch-22" was probably the best book, but "The Hunger Games" was decidedly the most awesome.

27. What were your greatest musical discoveries?
Gender Benders. Obvi.

28. What did you want and get?
An iPhone, somewhat of a plan, to not have any CRAZY MOTHER FUCKING ROOMMATES

29. What did you want and not get?
A social life, money, self-confidence, da ladiez.

30. What was your favorite film of this year?
"The Muppets", in that I saw two movies that came out this year. Of the movies I saw for the first time, "Bringing Up Baby"!

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I turned 26 on December 20th...I finished my Christmas shopping and my father took us out to Go Fish. Low key.

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
For me to know how to make friends.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2011?
Approaching professionalism and/or adulthood. AKA lots of ties.

34. What kept you sane?
Medication, running, Mom, class.

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Emma Stone maybe?

36. What political issue stirred you the most?
Just the whole GOP race, really.

37. Who did you miss?
Courtney, Helena, Danielle, Casey, Marissa, Ian, Ben, everyone from Drew, pretty much everyone.

38. Who was the best new person you met?
I can only think of one significant person I met, and I still can't analyze what exactly transpired there.

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2011:
Get off your fucking ass.

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
"Now the cities we live in could be distant stars, and I'll search for you in every passing car"

41. What was your favorite moment of the year?
No idea.

42. What was your least favorite moment of the year?
No idea.

43. Where were you when 2011 began?
Home.

44. Who were you with?
With Mom, watching a "Twilight Zone" marathon and having awkward conversations about how I needed to figure out my future.

45. Where will you be when 2011 ends?
Home.

46. Who will you be with when 2011 ends?
In all honesty I'll probably be with Jack Lemmon and Shirley MacLaine (Of course, they were much younger than).

47. What was your favorite month of 2011?
December? In that I finished my course and went on some nice runs?

48. Did you drink a lot of alcohol in 2011?
I drank to excess mayyyybe three times.

49. Did you do a lot of drugs in 2011?
Do SSRI's count?

50. How many people did you sleep with in 2011?
No one, because I am a shut-in.

51. Did you do anything you were ashamed of this year?
Yes. One specific thing, I'm not even gonna share.

52. What was the worst lie someone told you in 2011?
No idea.

53. Did you treat someone badly in 2011?
Probably, but I'm not sure who.

54. Did someone treat you badly in 2011?
No one apart from myself, I don't think.

55. How many concerts did you see in 2011?
None.

56. Did you have a favorite concert in 2011?
See prior point.

57. How much money did you spend in 2011?
Probably more than I should have, certainly more than I made.

58. If you could go back in time to any moment of 2011, what would you change?
I would have not taken that library science course.

59. What was your proudest moment of 2011?
Finishing my final project for my paralegal course and feeling pretty good about how it turned out.

60. What was your most embarrassing moment of 2011?
Don't know.

62. What are your plans for 2012?
Start applying for paralegal or legal support jobs and internships in New York and DC, move.
 
 
Current Location: No Sto
Current Music: You said the past won't rest until we jump the fence and leave it behind
 
 
Basil: that's Bazzle, not Baysil
Helena has, once again, informed me that I, once again, have not been keeping up my online journaling duties (not to mention my sporadic offline journaling duties) which is UNACCEPTABLE as neither Twitter nor Facebook allow for much more then short, general statements. Or somesuch. SO!

I'm doing okay, overall, I suppose. I'm really enjoying my paralegal course, though it's hard to believe I'm halfway done with it (it only meets for six weekends). I've applied to a part-time internship with the state justice department, and I guess the plan is either I complete the internship and use that experience to get a job in New York, DC, etc, or, if I don't get it, to just learn how to network my way into a job in New York, DC, etc. So...a plan! We shall see how that goes. As to the medium term, I suppose that I'll take the LSAT and use whatever paralegal experience I can get to determine if I want to continue on that path.

Outside the class...again, nothing's going on. There was a conversation on NPR's Talk Of The Nation a few days ago dealing with how the way you live and where you live influence your happiness, and among those issues, among the fact that a long commute is incredibly detrimental to your wellbeing (which my brother Alden, who commutes from DC to Dulles International Airport knows far too well) and people who live in cities overall are happier than those who don't was a suggestion that you need a good six or so hours of social interaction a day to be happy. And I feel like I get on the average workday maybe three, most of which is spent with customers so it's hard to say how to categorize that. On non-work days...I'm not sure. BASICALLY I just need to work harder on that...somehow. I had what started like a promising conversation on OK Cupid last month, with someone who was attractive and creative and smart, but even though she said she was interested in me and just really busy with classes, it didn't feel like she was interested at all, conversation-wise. I don't know. I just am lonely. But I guess I just need to work on that as well?

Anyway, I need to buy a black light for Other Tiger's Halloween display—Poe, Lovecraft and The Passage could stand to look eerier, I must say. Cheers!
 
 
Current Mood: lonelylonely
Current Music: "Shut Up And Get Naked" The Gender Benders
 
 
Basil: that's Bazzle, not Baysil
I think I've fucked myself over yet again.

I have been planning on taking a semester-long paralegal course this autumn at UConn, Avery Point in Groton, but have sort of been overlooking the fact that it's a Connecticut-based program, and I don't know at all how much of what paralegals do is state-specific. Probably a fair amount, right? And, while I am PROBABLY giving too much emphasis on my desire to live in a city (by which I mean New York, Washington, Chicago, etc., not New Haven or Hartford), that is my official goal, and would taking such a course make it much easier to get out of the house? Not sure. But what other choice would I have, really? If I want to do something right now, it's not like I can take a course in New York (if for no other reason than I wouldn't have enough time to find a place to live, much less figure out the dozens of other things). I might end up doing a course at Roger Williams instead of the one at UConn, which is fine, but I just feel like I've dropped the ball again.

It's like there are two main goals--finding a career, and getting out of my mother's house, and I am not been making headway in either area, and while this will help me on one, and I guess even the other...I don't know, I guess I'm just too impatient and impractical and whiny to wait another (probably) 8 months to move out.

The other thing I know is that I'm 25, and in no way am I an adult.
 
 
Basil: that's Bazzle, not Baysil
1. What did you do in 2010 that you'd never done before?
Driven clear across the country, rented a hotel room for myself, lived outside the Boston-Washington corridor, been to Texas, crossed the Mississippi, spent more than three months straight outside New England, been to a bachelor party, been to a wedding of my own generation, been a best man, lived by myself, lived with crazy roommates, been sexually harassed, been on food stamps, made a pie, made pudding, made lasagna, helped move couches up two flights of stairs, "Friends"-style.

2. Did you keep your new year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
Apparently I said I would run another half-marathon, keep better track of my finances, and figure out my life. I became pretty comfortable with seven-mile runs, but I was horrible on the other two fronts. I have no idea about the next year.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
No, but my ex became pregnant which is still sort of strange.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
I don't believe so, no.

5. What countries did you visit?
Texas? The Confederacy? Real America?

6. What would you like to have in 2011 that you lacked in 2010?
A place in the world, some semblance of a social life or a career trajectory, a woman that I can even pretend might be interested in me, stability, self-confidence--the usual, really.

7. What dates from 2010 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
I have no idea.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Getting up the guts to make a break for it and starting afresh in Austin. Also rhyming "Russ Feingold" with "Das Rheingold"

9. What was your biggest failure?
Not putting in nearly enough effort towards finding a job or meeting people or improving who I am.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Nope, I never get sick or injured.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
All that kefir? It's really fucking delicious.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Courtney, Alden and Sara, Mom, Dad, mostly Courtney.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Mine, Jimmy and Josue of course, but really mine.

14. Where did most of your money go?
Rent.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Initially, the move to Austin.

16. What songs will always remind you of 2010?
"Fuck You", "Little Lion Man", "Laredo", "I Love The Way You Lie", "Whip My Hair" every song from "Rent", every Gender Benders tune.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. happier or sadder? Sadder, which is saying something.
ii. thinner or fatter? A little thinner, I'm guessing.
iii. richer or poorer? So much effing poorer.

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Looking for work, begging for work, interning, shamelessly (but fearlessly) hitting on women, sticking up for myself.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Hating myself, yelling at myself, wasting time, procrastinating, worrying, applying to jobs on Craigslist.

20. How will you be spending Christmas?
Spent it with mom's side of the family mostly.

21. How will you be spending New Year's Eve?
Just noticed the party I'm invited to is a New Year's Day party, so I couldn't tell you.

22. Did you fall in love in 2010?
Not even close.

23. How many one-night stands?
I don't even know what that means.

24. What was your favorite TV program?
30 Rock, The Big Bang Theory, How I Met Your Mother and Comedy Central's News Hour.

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
No.

26. What was the best book you read?
The Passage maybe? I feel like I read a few really good books last spring--when did I read Born To Run? Let's go with that.

27. What were your greatest musical discoveries?
CLEARLY Gender Benders.

28. What did you want and get?
Adventure and new perspective, I suppose? A brief period of independence. A rad new hat?

29. What did you want and not get?
Clarity, satisfaction, success, someone to make out with.

30. What was your favorite film of this year?
Inception I suppose, though I didn't see to many films really. Maybe Temple Grandin as well?

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I was 25--I spent most of it helping move Calvin from Prospect Park to Sunnyside. Later in the evening there was cake and I got a hat. So not too shabby.

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
A real, semi-respectable, non-hourly-wage-type job.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2010?
Sweater!!!

34. What kept you sane?
I don't even know--probably a mix of Courtney Mack, denial and avoidance.

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Amy Adams I suppose? I didn't really fancy anyone but that's my old standby.

36. What political issue stirred you the most?
A little bit of everything--health care, the tax cuts, the political discourse in general.

37. Who did you miss?
Pretty much everyone I've ever met.

38. Who was the best new person you met?
Jimmy and Josue. LOL! LOL! JK! JK! ROTFLMAO! FML! DIAF!

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2010:
Maybe it's fine to move all the way across the country on a whim with no definite plan, but you've got to be prepared to work really hard to come up with a plan when you get there. Also, 25 year olds should not live with 40 year olds. Under any circumstances.

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
I really, really wanted it to be "We are our only saviors/We're gonna build something this summer", but it really was "Weep for yourself, my man, you'll never be what is in your heart/ Weep Little Lion Man, you're not as brave as you were at the start"

41. What was your favorite moment of the year?
I have no idea--possibly when I was driving away from that job interview in August feeling like maybe things were finally turing a corner.

42. What was your least favorite moment of the year?
Probably when I realized, at long last, that it didn't make any sense to stay in Texas.

43. Where were you when 2010 began?
A party Chris's URI friends were having.

44. Who were you with?
Chris, Calvin, Chris's then-girlfriend, a variety of his other friends.

45. Where will you be when 2010 ends?
No idea.

46. Who will you be with when 2010 ends?
No idea.

47. What was your favorite month of 2010?
Maybe June? I was excited to move and I got to see Courtney for the first time in like two years and it was fun to settle in and optimism was extant.

48. Did you drink a lot of alcohol in 2010?
Not a LOT a lot. An adequate amount.

49. Did you do a lot of drugs in 2010?
I didn't even take the one drug I should be taking as often as I should have.

50. How many people did you sleep with in 2010?
None. Again, eff you 2010 survey.

51. Did you do anything you were ashamed of this year?
More of many things I didn't do, like look for work or move out. I'm ashamed of my continued self-abuse, I suppose.

52. What was the worst lie someone told you in 2010?
I don't remember any really.

53. Did you treat someone badly in 2010?
Apart from myself, I imposed on Courtney a bit too much, and probably worried my parents greatly, but that is all that comes to mind.

54. Did someone treat you badly in 2010?
Myself mostly, but my total asshole roommates are definitely close contenders.

55. How many concerts did you see in 2010?
Apart from BOMBFest I'm not sure--a few guys playing clubs here and there. Unless you count the entire production of "Rent".

56. Did you have a favorite concert in 2010?
BOMBFest, which is sort of by default, but it was a good time, even though I spent half of it wandering around awkwardly.

57. How much money did you spend in 2010?
Considering I didn't work from June to December, far too much, as much as I tried.

58. If you could go back in time to any moment of 2010, what would you change?
I would have to answer not moving to Austin. There were great experiences to be had, but my God did I not think things through. Maybe I wasn't ready.

59. What was your proudest moment of 2010?
I don't even know. Maybe doing "I Would Die 4 U" at that karaoke bar?

60. What was your most embarrassing moment of 2010?
I don't know--no one moment feels embarrassing at all.

62. What are your plans for 2011?
Work at Other Tiger as best as I can, take a class in Library Science and apply for grad school. Find out what is wrong with me and fix it. Be a happier person?
 
 
Current Mood: crappydefeated
 
 
Basil: that's Bazzle, not Baysil
01 December 2010 @ 09:27 pm
So it's official: I'm moving back to Connecticut. I don't know what happened. I don't know how much of this has been the economy and how much of it has been me (currently I'd say that it's at least 75% me, but who am I to say?)…a lot of me feels like, deep down, I don't want to get a job, and that if I truly wanted a job than it would have happened, but I'm not sure it's that simple--I honestly do want to be a productive member of society. I think it's more likely that I just don't want a job at H-E-B or Target or wherever, and that if wasn't so damn snooty I could have been employed months ago. Or maybe it's just that I don't want to do the work involved in order to get work, that I just want a job somehow handed to me simply by sending a place a cover letter. I don't know. For whatever reason, I blew it. I fucked up, and now just like way back in May of 2009, and even May of 2008, I'm heading back home with no clue of how I'm going to move out, and unlike those times, I'm not heading back with a B.A. or two jobs at very reputable theaters on my resumé–I'm just heading back with a $x-sized debt to my parents and a six-month-stint of unemployment.

Blah. I don't know what I want to do or be or what my future might hold or where my talents actually lie or anything like that. And I know this was just something that happens, and you take risks and sometimes they just don't pay off and all of that, and that I probably learned a lot about myself and about life in general and blah blah blah, even though all I feel like I've learned is that I don't mind Texas summers as much as I do Texas autumns for whatever reason, and that Austin is a pretty rad town, even for those who can't work, and that I can move 2000 miles away from almost everything I know, but I'm still am just an awkward, neurotic, ungrateful, unpractical, spoiled, lazy, clueless, self-loathing, fucked-up CHILD who is full of wasted potential and has a lot of growing up to do.

Also, I'm disallowing comments, because quite frankly, and I have no idea why, but whenever people give me sympathy or whatever it makes me feel worse when I'm like this, and, fucked up as that is, I recognize that as the truth, so I appreciate any concern or sympathy, I really do, but that's just the way it is. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry.
 
 
Current Location: Austin, TX (for now)
Current Mood: crappyuseless
Current Music: You should put me in a home, you should put me down
 
 
 
Basil: that's Bazzle, not Baysil
09 August 2010 @ 01:47 pm
I swear, I can count the number of people I know who are less successful and put together than me on one fingerless hand. When will I grow up? What the hell is it going to take?
 
 
Basil: that's Bazzle, not Baysil
I can't tell if I'm more incompetent or impatient. It's probably very close to a tie.

I have been in Austin for three weeks. Thus far, it's a very cool town! I've seen the famous 6th Street Revelries, Book People, Whole Foods. I celebrated July the 4th with Team America: World Police complete with cap gun. And I haven't been out much, so I am sure there is much, much more to be seen. But a great place to live.

Of course, the rub is, as always, I still don't know how to live. To a good extent. I've been in my own place for two-and-a-half weeks now, so I'm called upon more self-sufficient than I have ever been in my life--but I'm not sure if that's the best thing for me. I've always wanted to be independent, but that's always turned into loner for whatever reason. I don't know. Maybe I should have Courtney over again, and invite my neighbors this time. Maybe.

I went out to the bars on 6th street tonight. I'd never been to a bar and not known any one (I think). Do people...actually talk to strangers in bars in real life (i.e. "Do you come here often?"). Maybe. I can't imagine doing it myself, as I probably be unable to see how uncomfortable they were. Maybe I should make a point to do so next time I'm out?

I don't know. I feel like the three things a 24-year-old man should be somewhat clear about would be:
  1. What, vaguely, his career field and/or goals are, or how to look for work in general.
  2. How to maintain close contact with old friends while initiate contact with new people
  3. Meeting and/or talking to women
I seem to seriously be clueless on all of those fronts. If I weren't, I wouldn't keep applying to random admin/counseling/law/theatre jobs while wondering if I should go back to school to be an accountant. Or have talked to any of the people I claim to be friends with since I moved to Texas, or in the last six months or year. Or have kissed someone at all in the past year, which is decidedly a record for me since I started, but in a bad way. Maybe I am just a child inside. And out even.

Or maybe. Instead of just being Room For Improvement. There will be, for once, Actual Improvement. I can't say. I could say I'll redouble my efforts on all these fronts, but I have said it before. So I'll just say...I'll try Anyway, I'm tired and tomorrow is Pancakes Day. So I've got that going for me. Which is nice.
 
 
Current Mood: lonelylonely
Current Music: "Somebody That I Used To Know" Elliott Smith
 
 
Basil: that's Bazzle, not Baysil
Soooo apparently I haven't posted on Livejournal in a while. Like, a LONG while, as per ush (ushe? is there a way to spell just the first syllable of "usual"? So I guess I'll just do a quick rundown of random stuff.

A week before I left for Austin, I watched "Adam", about a man with, Asperger's, and then this play "Oliver Parker!" with John Larroquette the next day (both of which were very worthwhile), the combination of which made me much more neurotic about my...character? personality? mannerisms? Whatever it is, I'm hoping that being so far away from almost everyone I know helps me stop...whatever it is I do. Helps me evolve.

The drive across the country was fairly uneventful...which was good, seeing as I was driving 2200 miles in a car with 240,000 miles on it. I slept in the car one night, which I justified because, legally, you need to do that at least once if you're driving cross-country. I'm not sure when it happened, possibly as I was going through Ohio, but WHAM there were certainly a lot of Christian billboards out there. I can't think of ANY in New England. Also someone honked angrily at me and gave me the finger in Tennessee because of my Obama stickers. So that was fun.

I visited the glorious Creation Museum in Kentucky, where museum security saw my bumper stickers and asked (in the nicest tone possible, I must stress) "Are you for or against us?", to which I hastily answered "I'm not sure!", which was somewhat a lie, except that I am not against their right to be all kinds of wrong about whatever they damn well please. While inside the museum, I discovered, among other things, the Sin of Eden lead directly to:
  • Starving africans
  • Timber wolves
  • Nuclear weapons
  • Concentration camps
  • Labor pains
  • Tornadoes
  • Heroin
  • Arlington
I couldn't tell if anyone was there just to laugh like I was, which I think made it all even un-funnier than it would have been otherwise.

Anyway, I got into Austin on Saturday and haven't done too too much yet. I have my own sublet already, until mid-August, and it's really cool! Right off UT campus, very walkable, , I have a little walkway/patio thing. I saw "Toy Story 3" at this cinema called the Alamo Drafthouse, which features in-movie food-service (as in, someone will actually bring you beer or popcorn or whatever you want THROUGHOUT THE FILM), and does things like show Jaws in the middle of Lake Travis (sold out) and all sorts of crazy stuff. So I'm definitely going back there. And from what little I've seen, that is not that uncommon a vibe.

While I was driving through Pennsylvania, it suddenly hit me--holy shit. I am actually not going to live in New England any more. This is really happening. And I guess it's the type of thing that you realize in different degrees as things progress (I don't even think there was a definitive moment when I decided to move to Austin). And maybe if I was being completely honest with myself I would say I should have mulled it over a bit more, or at least done more research. But oh well. I'm here, and I'm gonna find a job doing something, meet people somehow, be open to new things, cook crazy dishes, talk to pretty women, and just figure things out. If I can trick myself in to doing all that, I guess I'll be okay.
 
 
Current Location: Austin TX
Current Mood: optimisticoptimistic
Current Music: "Into The Woods"!!!
 
 
Basil: that's Bazzle, not Baysil
24 June 2010 @ 08:01 am

  • 21:25 I just made myself dinner in my brand new apartment! Which I also bought sheets and a hamper for! I guess that makes me 85% adult? #

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Basil: that's Bazzle, not Baysil
23 June 2010 @ 08:01 am

  • 13:31 Tickets for @drafthouse's floating roadshow showing of Jaws sold out in 90 seconds. Though as I just moved here, I guess I can't complain. #

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